


The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Bodhisattvas by Kanzeon Bosatsu (Judiciously Edited by Jiroushin)

by veleda_k



Category: Saiyuki Gaiden
Genre: Gen, Humor, management theory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-21
Updated: 2011-12-21
Packaged: 2017-10-27 16:40:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/297895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/veleda_k/pseuds/veleda_k
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kanzeon Bosatsu develops a new style of management in order to create a better Heaven. Alternately, Kanzeon Bosatsu amuses hirself at the expense of others.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Bodhisattvas by Kanzeon Bosatsu (Judiciously Edited by Jiroushin)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Doire](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Doire/gifts).



> The section headers are, of course, taken from _The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People_. The descriptions are taken from Wikipedia. I didn't read the book, but I did look it up on Wikipedia, which I think we can agree is very nearly the same thing.

**Habit 1: Be Proactive**   
_(Take initiative in life by realizing that your decisions (and how they align with life's principles) are the primary determining factor for effectiveness in your life. Take responsibility for your choices and the subsequent consequences that follow.)_

"I'm bored." Kanzeon Bosatsu (the Merciful Goddess, the Bodhisattva of Compassion, the One Who Hears the Cries of the World) looked up from hir reflection pool. Se let out a deep sigh, one so full of ennui that it would have crushed the soul of any mortal who heard it.

Luckily, Jiroushin was not mortal. Even luckier, he was used to Kanzeon's bouts of melodramatic weariness. "Perhaps my lady could listen to some mortal prayers."

Kanzeon scoffed. "I can't do that all the time, Jiroushin. Pretty soon they start begging me to cure their hangnails and fix their wagons. That's not mercy, that's meddling."

Jiroushin was very proud of the way he made absolutely no comment regarding Kanzeon's tendency to meddle. "We could play a game of shogi."

Kanzeon smiled. "That's sweet of you, but we've played thirty-two games of shogi in the past two days. I'm done."

Jiroushin sighed. "My lady, you are one of the great bodhisattvas, one of the movers and shakers of heaven. Surely, you can think of some way to occupy yourself."

Kanzeon's smile transformed into something far sharper. "I have an idea," se sing-songed.

Jiroushin could feel the ulcer coming on.

 **Habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind**   
_(Self-discover and clarify your deeply important character values and life goals. Envision the ideal characteristics for each of your various roles and relationships in life.)_

"A new theory of management." Kanzeon nodded in a satisfied manner.

"You loathe management," Jiroushin pointed out. It was true. When Kanzeon wasn't complaining of boredom, se was mocking the inefficiencies and general worthlessness of the bureaucracy.

"This is going to be my type of management. The fun kind."

"Fun for whom?" Jiroushin had sneaking suspicion that he already knew the answer.

Kanzeon's answering smile was filled with holy light and goodness. Jiroushin narrowed his eyes.

Kanzeon scoffed. "Don’t be a spoilsport."

The mortals of the world below believed the bodhisattva of compassion to be solemn and gentle. Kanzeon found the idea ridiculous. "Mercy and gentleness aren't the same thing," se once said to Jiroushin. "In fact, they seldom have anything to do with one another."

But just as Kanzeon wasn't the paragon of purity that mortals believed hir to be, neither was se the irresponsible and capricious deity of heaven's popular imagination. Jiroshin heard them whisper, saying that the bodhisattva was flighty and shallow, that se didn't take hir duties seriously. They were fools. Kanzeon's sarcastic and flippant attitude cloaked all the compassion and mercy that belonged to hir by divine right, and Jiroushin knew that Kanzeon was the wisest being in heaven.

It was just that se was also the most frustrating.

Kanzeon continued talking "I have timetables, action plans, and a book deal."

Jiroushin choked a little. "A book deal?"

Kanzeon nodded. "You'll be my editor. Just remember that those are divine words you'll be looking at."

Jiroushin imagined taking a red pen to Kanzeon's manuscript. He smiled. "I'll keep that in mind, my lady."

 **Habit 3: Put First Things First**   
_(Plan, prioritize, and execute your week's tasks based on importance rather than urgency. Evaluate whether your efforts exemplify your desired character values, propel you toward goals, and enrich the roles and relationships that were elaborated in Habit 2.)_

"First, we must delegate."

"Understood," Jiroushin said. He had expected nothing less. He knew Kanzeon wouldn't put very much energy into hir bizarre scheme, not when there were so many people to do it for hir. (People like Jiroushin. Unfortunately.)

"We can put Konzen to work. He has that fine, detail oriented mind. And he'll be glad for the distraction." Se must have noticed Jiroushin's disbelieving look, because se added, "Well, deep down inside he'll be glad."

Jiroushin coughed delicately. "As you say, no doubt."

Kanzeon didn't appear to be paying attention. "What do you think of 'Committee for a Better Heaven'?

"For what?"

"The name of my new task force!"

"It sounds entirely unlike you," Jiroushin said suspiciously. "My lady, really, what is the point of all this?"

Kanzeon just let out a little hum. "Or maybe it should be 'Heavenly Improvement Team.' Se tossed aside the paper se had been holding. "That can be Konzen's job."

Jiroushin sighed and refrained from asking how long all of this was going to take.

 **Habit 4: Think Win-Win**   
_(Genuinely strive for mutually beneficial solutions or agreements in your relationships. Value and respect people by understanding a "win" for all is ultimately a better long-term resolution than if only one person in the situation had gotten his way.)_

"Go away." Konzen Douji didn't even bother to look up as he addressed his aunt.

"How cruel, Konzen. And after I came all this way just to see you."

Konzen grunted. "I'm busy."

Kanzeon snorted. "No you're not. You have a pile of papers that need stamping. That's not busy."

Konzen looked up, glaring, but whatever caustic remark he planned to make was cut short as Jiroushin thrust a stack of papers at him.

"What is this?" Konzen looked at the paper as if he feared it might bite him.

"If you're going to be mindlessly sifting through paper, you might as well mindlessly sift through my paper."

Konzen delicately examined one of the pieces of paper. "'Inter-department cooperation: Thinking Win-Win'? What is this, hag?"

"Merely my plan for a better and more harmonious heaven."

Kanzeon's beatific smile didn't fool Konzen anymore than it had Jiroushin. He smacked his hands on his desk. "Whatever you're planning, leave me out of it."

Kanzeon sighed theatrically. "If you insist, dear nephew." Se looked at Jiroushin. "All that stress can't be good for him," se stage whispered.

"Out!"

Outside, Kanzeon shook hir head. "I meant what I said about the stress. He needs a pet, something sweet and innocent to awaken his fatherly instincts. Yes, Jiroushin, make a note of that: get Konzen a pet."

Jiroushin doubted that Konzen had any fatherly instincts to awaken, but he dutifully took note.

 **Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood**   
_(Use empathetic listening to be genuinely influenced by a person, which compels them to reciprocate the listening and take an open mind to being influenced by you. This creates an atmosphere of caring, respect, and positive problem solving.)_

Jiroushin's first thought upon entering Tenpou Gensui's study wasn't so much a thought as it was the pure, primal terror that can only come from being buried under a mountain of extremely heavy books. By the time he managed to dig himself out, Tenpou and Kanzeon were deep in conversation. Whatever Jiroushin had missed had clearly been very funny, as both Kanzeon and Tenpou were laughing.

"You see why I came to you," Kanzeon said.

"Yes, of course," Tenpou replied. "I think I can give you just what you need." He and Kanzeon shared a knowing look.

Jiroushin had never had more than passing dealings with Tenpou, and now he was glad for it. He had enough on his plate looking after Kanzeon.

A sharp knock on the door interrupted the conversation.

"Oy, Tenpou! You in there?"

"Come in, Kenren," Tenpou responded, smiling. "I'm just having a chat with Kanzeon Bosatsu."

"Really?" Kenren stepped in. "You two aren't having sex or anything, are you?"

Tenpou laughed lightly. "Of course not. I would have invited you."

Jiroushin sputtered, unable to decide if he was more outraged or embarrassed, but Kanzeon just threw back hir head and laughed. "Wonderful talking with you, Marshall. Remember what we discussed."

"Of course, Bosatsu," Tenpou said, politely showing hir the door. Jiroushin followed with all the dignity he could muster.

 **Habit 6: Synergize**   
_(Combine the strengths of people through positive teamwork, so as to achieve goals no one person could have done alone. Get the best performance out of a group of people through encouraging meaningful contribution, and modeling inspirational and supportive leadership.)_

A week later Kanzeon's pamphlets were all over heaven. Three new committees had been formed, with two new sub-committees being created to address the needs of the new committees. Li Touten had declared himself an expert on the new style management and was presenting to packed rooms.

"It's chaos out there," Jiroushin announced when he saw Kanzeon.

Se laughed. "I know."

Jiroushin frowned. He knew that Kanzeon had come up with this mad scheme purely for hir own amusement, but it was troubling to see hir so unconcerned with the discord se had created.

Kanzeon noticed his expression. "Relax," se said with a wave of hir hand. "They'll grow bored with it soon enough."

Jiroushin shook his head. "If you say so. I don't understand how it spread so quickly."

"Kenren and Tenpou helped with that. The Western Army has been passing out my pamphlets. Also, I slipped a stack into Konzen's 'out' pile."

"So much effort, and for what?" Then Jiroushin looked down at the stack of paper in Kanzeon's arms. He had assumed it was just more pamphlets but a closer look revealed that they were serious programs and petitions for the emperor. "If you wanted to see the emperor today, you're rather late. You'll be waiting in line for hours."

Kanzeon waved hir finger. "Wrong. All the people who would normally be waiting to see the emperor are busy arguing over my action plan."

Jiroushin's eyes widened. "Wait, do you mean..."

Kanzeon smiled at him, not hir usual carefree grin, but something small and enigmatic, a smile that told of aeons of wisdom.

Jiroushin needed to sit down.

 **Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw**   
_(Balance and renew your resources, energy, and health to create a sustainable, long-term, effective lifestyle.)_

"Did you really cause this whole mess in order to distract the bureaucrats, so that your work could proceed unhindered? Or were you just making trouble to amuse yourself?" Jiroushin had to know.

Kanzeon winked. "Little of column A, little of column B."

Jiroushin smiled. This was why he served Kanzeon, this mix of cunning, wisdom, and wickedness. Still he couldn't help but wonder what the long term effects of this might be.

Kanzeon laughed and clapped him on the back. "I know that look. You're worrying. Don't sweat the small stuff." Hir expression turned thoughtful. "Now there's an idea."

Jiroushin's eye twitched. There had to be a limit. "No, my lady."

"How to win worshipers and influence demigods?"

"No."

"You're no fun."


End file.
